Developing My Persuasive Essay

For my second draft, I have changed some grammar errors I had. These grammar errors were usually about the usage of to be verbs, and they were also a couple of typos that I needed to fix. 

I have changed a couple of sentences to make some of the body paragraphs better, but I believe that these changes didn't affect the essay that much. 

For my third draft, I'm planning on developing my examples. I believe that I might have written a lot of personal experiences; I will try supporting my ideas by using other ways. For example I will ask other people about their thoughts on the activities at Chesire Academy. Especially for second and third body paragraphs I will try to add more of other people's opinions to make my essay pore persuasive.