It was a sunny afternoon when children were out of schools and preparing to go to vacations. Johnny was scared and happy. He was scared because he was never been to a ship before and he was happy because he was going to go to a cruise tour. His mom picked him up from the school that day. They went directly to the terminal.
Johnny was confused with emotions. He didn't know what to feel. This was a first time experience. When he took his place in a restaurant on the ship, the ship started moving. He got scared and held on to his mom. Then he acted like nothing happened. After the dinner in the restaurant he went back to his room. After a while he got bored and decided to meet some new friends. The first thing he did was to go to the basketball fields.
In the rooftop there were two blue basketball fields that seemed so interesting to Johnny who has never played basketball in the middle of the ocean before. He saw two kids at his age and decided to go next to them. He said "Hey! I'm Johnny can I play with you guys?" One of the boys said "Look who's here Derek! A kindergarden boy that thinks that he can play basketball!" Johnny was shocked and scared. He went back to his room and started crying. After a while his mom came and asked Johnny what was happening. He didn't say anything and went outside. His mom was following him. When they went to the rooftop Johnny didn't know that his mom was just behind her so when he saw him he started arguing with her because he didn't want to be seen with her. Her mom couldn't understand why but she got angry and went to the room.
Johnny spent the days trying to prove the boys that he is not a "kindergarden" kid. While he was doing that he never cared about his mother.
One night Johnny woke up with a terrible shaking on the ship. The ship was broken. They were dying. Everybody was dying. Unless they didn't do anything to save themselves. Johnny's mother took Johnny and made him travel with a life saving boat. There were ten people in that boat. Johnny, 2 Indian couples, four kids, a French couple and a Malaysian women.
Two days after the accident he found an island. He did. The other people were died because they couldn't find water so they drank salted water. Johnny was afraid. Now he was afraid of everything. Now he knew the feeling of being afraid and how it makes someone feel like nothing's gonna be alright.
He searched the island. No one was living there, no one except this little fly named Wings. Wings felt super happy after seeing Johnny. He was not gonna feel alone anymore, but things were different for Johnny. When he first saw a fly that could speak he reacted as he should but when days passed he got used to it and he started hating Wings.
Wings was always asking him about his hobbies, favorite movies, favorite animals and his family. He never spoke to Wings especially about his family. Johnny treated Wings in a bad attitude. He always told him to be quiet and to get out of this island.
58 days passed. Wings started to get sick. Johnny didn't care. The first time he went for a walk on the island was the first day he got there. He saw three silver clocks and a red clock. He thought about going there again to see if someone came back for their clock. He was shocked by what he saw. The clocks were melting except the red clock. He stayed there until the sun set and when the sun set the clocks were gone and so was Wings. He didn't get it. Why Wings was gone? He cried over him like a baby crying for food. Now he was scared. Now he didn't know what to do. Now he was alone. Now he understood the value of his mom of the people that loved him like Wings. Now he was lost. Now there was no one to save him.
He went to see the clocks again and saw that the red clock was still there. It was closed. He tried opening it. When he couldn't he dropped it and it got broken. Inside of it he found a note saying:"To my son, Johnny".
It is a kind of sad story about a adventure of a little boy who didn't care about people loved him. As the time he find out that he need them, they were already gone. I really like the contrast between how the boy act before and after he lost people who love him, because it give people a deeper thinking and warning about love the people who love you. Writer should add more details on the emotion and feeling of the boys to make the story become more realistic and interesting.
ReplyDeleteSera, nice story.
ReplyDeleteA few tips:
In the U.S. we say "go on vacation" no S on the end. he "HAD never been on a ship before". when he took his SEAT in the restaurant. On the rooftop. Two kids his age -- no need to say two kids in his age. Everyone was DEAD not died. SALT water not salted water.
Say more about how Johnny reacted when he met the fly that talked. You say he reacted as he should but that doesn't really tell us a lot. more details here.
Treated Wings WITH a bad attitude.
you have a lot of sentences that start with HE and in the second to last paragraph, a lot that start with NOW. I didn't know if you did that on purpose for a poetic effect but if not, vary the sentence structure up so it is not repetitive.
I like the ending!